life..has never been worse.
i find myself crying every single fucking day ever since day 1 of the orientation. i miss huang weiting and all my friends and st nicks and my whole class (yes including jam..im sorry ive been mean..i love you now) like damn fucking much. and i have NO appetite at all ever since day 1. believe it or not, today i only ate 1/3 of a plate of fried noodles, 2 cans of green tea and breakfast at home. and now i dont even feel like eating dinner. stomach just stopped feeling hunger at all. i think im gonna shrivel up and die soon. i havent laughed, as in REALLY SO FUNNY kinda laughter since god knows when. i havent had a girly talk since monkey years ago. i havent discussed about books, makeup, clothes, cute guys, tv shows, since forever. i havent gossiped about anyone or anyTHING. i didnt even complain about my nails breaking. not a squeak. i didnt even think about being flat chested till like, now, when im thinking what i havent been doing. i havent had a nice talk. i havent been to town though my school is fucking near. ive been going home alone every single fucking day. i havent felt AT ALL any teeny weeny bit of ease in the school unlike st nicks. i havent hugged anyone for decades. i got into trouble on the 2nd day of school cos i was TALKING. as in huge trouble. cos i was talking. WOW, IM SORRY FOR TALKING..i hate the way things are now. i can see that the facilitators are trying to spice things up but i dont see what the fuck is so fun about cj. i really dont. im not, i reitarate, im not having a good time. at all. all ive achieved are blisters on my feet and cuts on my fingers from kayaking. i spend every day getting worn out and being busy doing NOTHING THAT I LIKE AT ALL. i mean, people are nice and all but..its just not the same. every day i sit with my class keeping quiet and laughing when appropriate. and as i can see, everyone else is having fun. well, good for you. i feel like dying. no kidding. so yea, have a great time man.